A domestic minefield of control and dominance — A fundamental paradox of going through the ravages of complex-trauma recovery is acquiring unequivocal clarity as to what is relationally permitted and what is not. …

Conquering Self-Blame —

Their hardships and their options — Treating two brothers raised by a maternal narcissist has heightened my awareness of how insidiously dangerous this sort of disordered narcissist is and how deeply damaging they are to their children. It has called to my attention how the life trajectories of these men were largely determined by their familial…

Getting unstuck from an insidious cycle of penance and self punishment — “Do not look for healing at the feet of those who broke you” ~ Rupi Kaur (Milk and Honey) Many of the folks I see for complex trauma therapy are immersed in the arduous process of dismantling their bondage to a malignant narcissist (NPD). Although the humiliation of objectification and…

The unforeseen onset of emotional abuse — With the intent of distancing from memories of a difficult marriage and an even more difficult divorce, Christie moved to a new town to start fresh. She was eager to put the past behind her and form uplifting connections with quality peers. Meeting Louisa at a local coffee shop seemed…

Consumed by uninvited thoughts — As a complex trauma therapist and survivor, I am well acquainted with the persistent regurgitation of disturbing memories. …

How predators snare their prey — Episodic ruptures were peppered throughout their tumultuous relationship, but when seemingly benign texting commenced during the pandemic, Megan began to question if she was correct in concluding that her ex was a full-blown malignant narcissist. …

When your trusted doctors are dangerous — There’s been considerable programming depicting heinous stories of malignant narcissists operating as clinical and medical providers in the healthcare professions. Recently The Good Nurse, about the New Jersey serial killer Charles Cullen was released on Netflix. …

A look at the malignant fraudsters who exploit unsuspecting immigrants, refugees, migrants and asylum seekers — Imagine spending years preparing to legally move from your homeland to another country only to discover upon entry that there’s no record of any visa application in the system. …

The psychological and sociological practice of destroying others — On the heels of ending a long-term relationship to a malignant narcissist, Lauren vehemently and unceasingly blamed herself for ‘allowing’ him to sadistically debase her. Although she intellectually concurred with M. …

When mistreatment is hard to detect — Abominable, morally depraved abusers are easy to spot and always remembered. People such as Leona Helmsley (The Queen of Mean), Starlet Joan Crawford (Mommie Dearest), knighted BBC notable Jimmy Seville, brutal Haitian dictator 'Papa Doc,' sex offender and financier Jeffrey Epstein, and Tele-evangelist Jim Bakker, whose empire fell from Grace…

Also known as Codependents — The most insidious form of abuse is often subtle. You know the kind I’m referring to. It’s when someone is talking at you, not with you. When you try to tell them that their behavior is upsetting you, you’re ignored, trivialized or mocked. …

Understanding primary supply — As a complex trauma therapist who specializes in treating trauma incurred through narcissistic abuse, I encounter many spouses desperate to escape from the perfidious torment of marriage to a malignant narcissist. Similarly, I work with adult children of mothers and fathers who embody malignant narcissistic traits or fit the diagnostic…

A book review — I am exceedingly grateful that although I was groomed to be supply, and consequently I was a narcissist magnet for much of my life, I never actually married anyone on the malignant end of the narcissism spectrum. Being on the receiving end of brutal degrades and discards by significant others…

An opportune time to troll for supply — Holiday expectations can be challenging. Living up to the idyllic narrative of collective bonding and celebrations in which people everywhere are supposedly experiencing holiday rituals and get-togethers that foster well-being and intimacy can be anxiety producing. For many folks, the seasonal lure of promised pleasure, coupled with the glitz and…

Discerning what lurks beneath her facade — “What ever Lola wants Lola gets. And little man little Lola wants you.” ~ Adler Richard / Ross Jerry As a seasoned therapist in NYC specializing in treating survivors of complex trauma and a subset of relational trauma known as narcissistic abuse syndrome, I encounter men and women who enter…

A glimpse at the grooming and abusing that occurs within the home — In a memoir piece I wrote about my disturbing relationship with my narcissistically disordered father I elaborated on how his neglect, sadistic mockery, objectification and abandonment nearly destroyed me. …

Female Abusers and the Myth of Feminine Non-Violence — Evil is unspectacular and always human and shares our bed and eats at our own table. ~ W.H. Auden, Herman Melville In the realm of gender wars perpetual debates often concern how social, cultural, psychological, and biological variables influence who we are. We seem to fundamentally agree that one’s sex…

The Blight of Emotional Incest — Linda felt so special being her father’s confidant. She was daddy’s little princess. When her parents separated her father would pick her up on visitation day and proudly display her to the patrons at the local bar. It was there she would meet daddy’s girlfriends. Only she knew who he…

It’s Always the ‘Crazy’ One Who Knows the Truth — “The search for a scapegoat is the easiest of all hunting expeditions.” ― Dwight D. Eisenhower Leila was the target of cruel mockery and disparagement in her large family. She became nonverbal and her eyes glazed over as I prompted her to tell me more about the incessant envy and…