The psychological and sociological practice of destroying others — On the heels of ending a long-term relationship to a malignant narcissist, Lauren vehemently and unceasingly blamed herself for ‘allowing’ him to sadistically debase her. Although she intellectually concurred with M. …

When mistreatment is hard to detect — Abominable, morally depraved abusers are easy to spot and always remembered. People such as Leona Helmsley (The Queen of Mean), Starlet Joan Crawford (Mommie Dearest), knighted BBC notable Jimmy Seville, brutal Haitian dictator 'Papa Doc,' sex offender and financier Jeffrey Epstein, and Tele-evangelist Jim Bakker, whose empire fell from Grace…

Also known as Codependents — The most insidious form of abuse is often subtle. You know the kind I’m referring to. It’s when someone is talking at you, not with you. When you try to tell them that their behavior is upsetting you, you’re ignored, trivialized or mocked. …

Understanding primary supply — As a complex trauma therapist who specializes in treating trauma incurred through narcissistic abuse, I encounter many spouses desperate to escape from the perfidious torment of marriage to a malignant narcissist. …

A book review — I am exceedingly grateful that although I was groomed to be supply, and consequently I was a narcissist magnet for much of my life, I never actually married anyone on the malignant end of the narcissism spectrum. Being on the receiving end of brutal degrades and discards by significant others…

An opportune time to troll for supply — Holiday expectations can be challenging. Living up to the idyllic narrative of collective bonding and celebrations in which people everywhere are supposedly experiencing holiday rituals and get-togethers that foster well-being and intimacy can be anxiety producing. For many folks, the seasonal lure of promised pleasure, coupled with the glitz and…

Discerning what lurks beneath her facade — “What ever Lola wants Lola gets. And little man little Lola wants you.” ~ Adler Richard / Ross Jerry As a seasoned therapist in NYC specializing in treating survivors of complex trauma and a subset of relational trauma known as narcissistic abuse syndrome, I encounter men and women who enter…

A glimpse at the grooming and abusing that occurs within the home — In a memoir piece I wrote about my disturbing relationship with my narcissistically disordered father I elaborated on how his neglect, sadistic mockery, objectification and abandonment nearly destroyed me. …

Female Abusers and the Myth of Feminine Non-Violence — Evil is unspectacular and always human and shares our bed and eats at our own table. ~ W.H. Auden, Herman Melville In the realm of gender wars perpetual debates often concern how social, cultural, psychological, and biological variables influence who we are. We seem to fundamentally agree that one’s sex…

The Blight of Emotional Incest — Linda felt so special being her father’s confidant. She was daddy’s little princess. When her parents separated her father would pick her up on visitation day and proudly display her to the patrons at the local bar. It was there she would meet daddy’s girlfriends. Only she knew who he…

It’s Always the ‘Crazy’ One Who Knows the Truth — “The search for a scapegoat is the easiest of all hunting expeditions.” ― Dwight D. Eisenhower Leila was the target of cruel mockery and disparagement in her large family. She became nonverbal and her eyes glazed over as I prompted her to tell me more about the incessant envy and…

I was the daughter of a misogynistic sex addict — When I came to realize how my father not just failed me, but also shattered my spirit, it hit me hard. Much of my life up until that point I viewed him as the victim of my mother’s lunacy. That was the narrative he had me believe. Since she was…

Breaking through the fog of confusion — When American social psychologist Leon Festinger (1956) read about a cult’s fixation with the end of the world due to an apocalyptic flood predicted by extraterrestrials, he embarked on an empirical study to explore the believers' reactions to the inevitability of having their prophecy discredited. Festinger discovered a surprising trend…

These are the options — “In general, the more dysfunctional the family the more inappropriate their response to disclosure. Never expect a sane response from an insane system.” ~ Renee Fredrickson, Repressed Memories: A Journey to Recovery from Sexual Abuse Referred to as the dramatic, emotional, and erratic cluster, the four cluster~b personality disorders are…

A tale of privileged misfortune — Extravagant colorful banners, signifying the advent of the new millennium, adorn the iconic FAO Schwartz building on 5th Avenue. Inside, bustling Christmas shoppers stop to gape over the child-sized Mercedes Benz encrusted with Swarovski crystals. Perched in the front seat of the car, donning a Givenchy red wool jumpsuit, paired…

My need to shed light on harsh realities — “Man is a mystery. It needs to be unravelled, and if you spend your whole life unravelling it, don’t say that you’ve wasted time. I am studying that mystery because I want to be a human being.” ~ Fyodr Dostoevsky As a trauma therapist in the public and private sectors…

As I walk through the lower east side, the intangible dread of seeing my mother pervades every fiber of my being. No matter how benign the encounters with her, a foreboding takes over. The biting November chill fails to pull me into the present moment. …

Navigating life without a familial tribe — From childhood’s hour I have not been / As others were — I have not seen / As others saw I could not bring / My passions from a common spring / From the same source I have not taken / My sorrow I could not awaken / My heart…

When familial roles and boundaries are distorted — The bond between a child and a parent is specifically designed to cater to the comprehensive developmental needs of one’s offspring. In accordance with nature’s plan, the child’s successful attainment of developmental milestones such as the cultivation of trust, autonomy, initiative, industry, identity and intimacy (Eric Erikson) is predicated on…