Literally Literary and The Writing Cooperative prompt — There are conventional rites of passage that chronicle pivotal life transitions such as marriage, childbirth, graduation celebrations and other sundry celebratory milestones. If one is fortunate enough to have been born into a cohesive family, this tribal unit will afford one a sense of collective identity and enduring security. Within…

Understanding an often misunderstood diagnosis — When Theresa called to tell me she was stuck on Metro-North somewhere in Connecticut it was understood that a dissociative fugue state occurred. One of her alters temporarily took over while in-transit, causing us to miss our therapy session in NYC. …

Understanding the ‘Repetition Compulsion’ — Poet and novelist Charles Bukowski wrote, “I remember awakening one morning and finding everything smeared with the color of forgotten love.” His words evoke in me memories of a bleak childhood steeped in inhumanity. They encapsulate my experience of a world tainted by love forgotten, love betrayed and love denied. …

What it’s like being the target of blame — In Franz Kafka’s novella, The Metamorphosis, Gregor Samsa wakes up to find himself morphed into a giant cockroach. …

The challenges of moving forward from a traumatic history — God asks no person whether he or she will accept life. That is not the choice. You must take it. The only choice is how ~ Henry Ward Beecher Trauma is a penetrating wound and injury, which threatens one’s life and arrests the course of normal development by its repetitive…

Conquering Self-Blame —

Their hardships and their options — Treating two brothers raised by a maternal narcissist has heightened my awareness of how insidiously dangerous this sort of disordered narcissist is and how deeply damaging they are to their children. It has called to my attention how the life trajectories of these men were largely determined by their familial…

Getting unstuck from an insidious cycle of penance and self punishment — “Do not look for healing at the feet of those who broke you” ~ Rupi Kaur (Milk and Honey) Many of the folks I see for complex trauma therapy are immersed in the arduous process of dismantling their bondage to a malignant narcissist (NPD). Although the humiliation of objectification and…

The unforeseen onset of emotional abuse — With the intent of distancing from memories of a difficult marriage and an even more difficult divorce, Christie moved to a new town to start fresh. She was eager to put the past behind her and form uplifting connections with quality peers. Meeting Louisa at a local coffee shop seemed…

A crucial gauge of healing and growth for trauma survivors — “Sometimes people don’t want to hear the truth because they don’t want their illusions destroyed.” ~ Friedrich Nietzsche Systemic child abuse groomed me to be immune to mistreatment and oblivious to being trivialized and disregarded. …

Consumed by uninvited thoughts — As a complex trauma therapist and survivor, I am well acquainted with the persistent regurgitation of disturbing memories. …

The origin of intimacy fears — In the grand scheme of things being shunned by two little girls at the playground sandbox should have been a minor occurrence. After all, I was going on four years old, malnourished, septic, and in a suspended reality from the horrors incurred from daily existence. Moreover, my older sister and…

Discovering the merits in trauma recovery — It was decades ago, but I can clearly recall ranting in a 12-step meeting about the banality of having gratitude for the lessons received through suffering. It seemed so many folks in recovery put a positive spin on what for me was completely unbearable. I absolutely hated the pain I…

Accessing the nurturing adult protector at the helm — All individuals beset by unabated victimization throughout childhood are tasked with protecting the central organizing ego from breaking from reality and disintegrating into psychosis. Needless to say, this is a formidable feat, particularly since a child’s capacity to integrate what is happening to the self is insufficient. It follows that…

It’s difficult to become who you are when beset by survival fears — Know thyself. Be your best self! Confident people have high self-esteem. Egotistical people are self-centered. Self-awareness is a sign of humility and introspection. Magical thinking is self-defeating. The list of proclamations pertaining to the self can go on into perpetuity, but what exactly is a ‘self’? According to the American…

A surreal bittersweet departure — Last week I said goodbye to M. Eighteen years ago we met for a consultation at my office on Union Square in New York City. His mother’s psychiatrist sent him my way when his life was on the cusp of suicide and incarceration. I still remember how his eyes were…

Roe versus Wade is not just about reproductive freedom — One of the fairytales I treasured as a little girl poignantly captured the hardships of childhood. Hans Christian Anderson’s The Little Match Girl told of a young abused girl driven to begging in order to survive. …

Learning to accommodate all that you are — Although we all need to employ guile and assume roles that accommodate the variability of life’s demands, a line is crossed when necessary ‘as if’ decorum shifts into what British psychoanalyst and pediatrician Dr. Donald Winnicott referred to as the false self. Also known as the fake self, idealized self…

Mother, you had me, But I never had you / I wanted you, but you didn’t want me/So I just got to tell you/ Goodbye ~John Lennon According to the maternal deprivation hypothesis infants regardless of whether they are puppies, monkeys or humans will not develop normally unless they receive…

“Only the family, society’s smallest unit, can change and yet maintain enough continuity to rear children who will not be “strangers in a strange land,” who will be rooted firmly enough to grow and adapt.” ~ Salvador Minuchin, Families & Family Therapy The cohesive primal bond of the family affords…