Getting unstuck from an insidious cycle of penance and self punishment — “Do not look for healing at the feet of those who broke you” ~ Rupi Kaur (Milk and Honey) Many of the folks I see for complex trauma therapy are immersed in the arduous process of dismantling their bondage to a malignant narcissist (NPD). Although the humiliation of objectification and…

Examining internalized hate — “I am not free while any woman is unfree, even when her shackles are very different from my own.” ~ Audre Lorde Being that it is Women’s History Month I am led to reflect on the vital role of women in society and the invaluable contributions of women throughout history…

The unforeseen onset of emotional abuse — With the intent of distancing from memories of a difficult marriage and an even more difficult divorce, Christie moved to a new town to start fresh. She was eager to put the past behind her and form uplifting connections with quality peers. Meeting Louisa at a local coffee shop seemed…

What’s lurking around the corner? — It’s 1934 in a Berlin cafe in the middle of the afternoon. Two academics are sharing kaffee and apfelstrudel while discussing current events. Suddenly Otto absurdly posits that the Second World War is coming and it’s going to be instigated by the Germans. His companion Max retorts, “That’s impossible! We…

A domestic minefield of control and dominance — A fundamental paradox of going through the ravages of complex-trauma recovery is acquiring unequivocal clarity as to what is relationally permitted and what is not. That said, when I saved myself from further attachment injuries by initiating the brutal and terrifying task of walking away from my family of origin…

A crucial gauge of healing and growth for trauma survivors — “Sometimes people don’t want to hear the truth because they don’t want their illusions destroyed.” ~ Friedrich Nietzsche Systemic child abuse groomed me to be immune to mistreatment and oblivious to being trivialized and disregarded. Detrimental behaviors, ideas, and ways of being became acceptable and in alignment with how I…

When rumination has a purpose — A reader of my article Obsession & Complex Trauma requested I elaborate about how replaying painful remembrances and feared outcomes affords a trauma survivor a locus of control. Unlike OCD in which random intrusive thoughts and ritualistic behaviors occur, trauma related obsessions are fueled by unresolved distressing memories and concerns…

Consumed by uninvited thoughts — As a complex trauma therapist and survivor, I am well acquainted with the persistent regurgitation of disturbing memories. The intractability implied by the need to go over week after week, month after month and even year after year of injurious occurrences and mortifying motifs is understood as an essential part…

Taking a look at what’s needed to flourish — Recently I was talking to a therapy client about his eventual move from New York City to Portugal. As someone who officially moved four months ago from NYC to Montreal Quebec, I can attest how arduous yet also how gratifying it is to segue into environmental conditions that boost one’s…